By far the most daunting part about planning to move to India as a missionary and teacher for three years was the idea of fundraising. I grew up in a large family where finances were always a peripheral worry, but it was something that could be managed with determination and hard work. This hardworking Midwestern mindset served me well in college as I juggled two part-time jobs along with schoolwork, and it was a very effective mask for insecurities about my self-worth.
However, as I began the process of fundraising with Back2Back, it didn’t feel like the usual financial hurdle that I could just put my mind to and accomplish. Fundraising in general is an uncomfortable task—it’s hard not to feel like you’re talking to a suspicious listener who is meticulously ranking the pros and cons of the investment. And now my careful mask of hardworking determination was crumbling; I wasn’t just advocating for the ministry that I loved, but had to explain why I was worth supporting.
I could talk for hours about the work that Back2Back does and the kids that live on Hope Campus and what my job description was as a teacher, but under all of it was a fear that I’d be “found out”—that someone would listen to all of it but still ask, “But what makes you qualified to go? Why do you deserve your dream job working with orphans in India while the rest of us pay for you to go? Why do you deserve what you really, really want?” That was the most painful question; in the face of all of this—the prospect of life in India, the task of fundraising—I had to deal with the fear of not deserving what I desired most. And there it was, that truth that I’ve been relearning throughout my life—I don’t deserve it, and I could drown in the reasons why I don’t. But that grace and love exists for me anyway, and that’s where the desire came from in the first place.
Truly the most encouraging part of dealing with this whole insecurity has been seeing the way that people I know (or in some cases don’t know) have felt a similar desire and been moved to support me financially and prayerfully. During my last home group while I was still living in Illinois, everyone sent me off by praying the Magnificat, and that communal prayer of hope and response to calling has come to mind frequently as new people join my support team. “He who is mighty has done great things for me,” and there is hope in that, for me and for my brothers and sisters in Christ.
I am now so close to being fully funded for India—I only need another $250/month in order to completely reach the goal of $3325/month. My launch goal (which was a daunting $17,365) has been completely covered by generous one-time gifts and the monthly support thus far. If you would like to help me cover the last of my monthly support needs, you can go to my staff support page to set up a monthly donation. And if you have any questions or would like any other information beforehand, you can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org!